How to wean from breastfeeding at night?

Changing the routine of breastfeeding your child to sleep can feel like a huge challenge. It is not just about the routine—it is about comfort, for both you and your little one.

Familiar routines are hard to change

Breastfeeding to sleep is something many moms do. It is soothing, it works like a charm, and it helps your child drift off peacefully. But when you start thinking about changing this routine, it can feel overwhelming. Your child finds comfort in it, and, let’s face it, it is an easy way to get them to sleep without any fuss.

Here is the thing - kids love what they know. If they are used to falling asleep while breastfeeding, they might resist any new way of doing things. They want that comfort they are familiar with, and that can make changing the routine tricky.

As a mom, you might find yourself at a crossroads. On one hand, sticking with the breastfeeding-to-sleep routine is easy. It keeps bedtime calm and avoids any tears or tantrums. Who would not want that? But on the other hand, you know that eventually, you will need to help your child learn to fall asleep without nursing. And that can feel like a tough mountain to climb.

You can try to change the routine. Your child might resist, cry, or feel frustrated as he adjusts to falling asleep in a new way. This is not easy for either of you. It is hard to break a habit that is so comforting for your child.

Given these options, many mothers choose to stick with the familiar routine because it is gentle and keeps bedtime stress-free. But if you are thinking about making a change, it is important to remember that it is okay to take it slow. Understand that this is a big step for both you and your child, and it is normal to feel a bit unsure.

Changing sleep habits is not just about routines - it is about emotions too. It is about understanding how deeply these habits are ingrained and being gentle with yourself and your child as you make this change. You do not have to do it all at once, and you are not alone in this.

How breastfeeding affects sleep for you and your child

Breastfeeding does amazing things for both you and your baby. When you breastfeed, your body releases hormones like prolactin and oxytocin. These are often called the "love" or "mothering" hormones. They help you bond with your baby and make you feel relaxed - so relaxed that you might even fall asleep yourself.

Breastfeeding is also nature’s way of calming your baby and getting him ready for sleep. This creates a strong association between nursing and falling asleep. It is comforting, and it works like magic to get your little one to sleep, but it can also turn into a habit that is hard to change.

But here is the good news - you can change this sleep association. It just takes a bit of commitment and time. How do you do it? By creating new bedtime routines that do not rely on breastfeeding to fall asleep. This way, both you and your child can start sleeping through the night.

It might not be easy at first, but with some patience and consistency, you can help your little one learn to fall asleep without nursing. And that means more rest for both of you.

The fear of stopping nighttime breastfeeding

When your toddler or preschooler is busy during the day, they might not breastfeed as much. You might notice their feeding sessions getting shorter. This is normal. As kids grow, breastfeeding naturally changes from those frequent newborn sessions to just once or twice a day.

But I know what you might be thinking: “If I stop the night feeds, will I have to stop breastfeeding altogether?” It is a common worry. Many moms fear that stopping nighttime breastfeeding could mean the end of breastfeeding entirely. But here is some good news. Many children stop nursing at night and continue breastfeeding during the day for much longer!

There are actually two different decisions you might have to make. The first is stopping breastfeeding entirely - no more nursing, day or night. That is a big step and marks the end of your breastfeeding journey.

The second decision is about just stopping the nighttime feeds. Your child can still nurse during the day, but not at night. This does not mean breastfeeding has to end completely - it is just an adjustment to when those sessions happen.

So, if you are ready to get a little more sleep at night, know that you can still keep those special daytime feeds going. It is all about finding what works best for both you and your child.

Setting boundaries for older kids

As parents, we all want what is best for our children. We set limits to guide them, like saying no to chocolate for dinner or teaching them to be kind on the playground. These boundaries are important for raising our children. But when it comes to breastfeeding, setting limits can feel a lot harder. Breastfeeding is not just about feeding - it is about love, comfort, and bonding. It is no wonder many moms find it tough to say no, even when those nighttime feedings start to disrupt sleep.

Here is something to think about - most older children, like toddlers and preschoolers, do not actually need to breastfeed at night to feel loved and secure. They can sleep through the night just fine without those feedings. This does not mean you love them any less - it just means they are growing up. You can still keep that special bond strong by creating a new bedtime routine. This could include a calming ritual like reading a favorite book, singing a lullaby, or having a little cuddle time before bed. Morning snuggles are also a great way to start the day with love and connection.

Each baby is unique, and so is every mom. What works for one family might not work for another. That is why there is no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to helping your baby break a strong sleep association.

Below, I will share various strategies. Review them all and pick the ones that feel right for you and your little one.

Change takes time (and patience)

Changing established routines is not easy. You might feel like you are making progress one day, only to feel like you are back at square one the next. That is totally normal. It is important to keep going, even if it feels tough. With consistent effort and a lot of patience, you can help your child sleep better at night.

Do not just stick to one strategy. Try a mix of different methods. A well-rounded approach is the best way to effectively change sleep habits.

Remember, you are not alone in this. You have got a toolkit of strategies to help, and with a bit of persistence, you will see progress. 

1. Change your bedtime routine

Let us talk about how your child falls asleep. Believe it or not, how they fall asleep at the start of the night can really impact how well they sleep through the rest of it. In simple terms, if your little one gets used to a certain way of falling asleep, like being nursed or rocked, they will likely want that same thing whenever they wake up during the night. This is what we call a "strong sleep association." 

Here is an example - if your child always falls asleep while being rocked, it is no surprise that they might need to be rocked again when they wake up at 3 AM. And let us be honest, that can make for some very long nights for both of you.

That is why bedtime routines are so important. A good, solid routine can help change those sleep habits. The key is to make the routine simple enough that your child can do parts of it on his own if he wakes up at night. For example - cuddling with a favorite stuffed animal and listening to a familiar lullaby - this can help him settle back down without needing you to jump out of bed.

Now, I am not going to sugarcoat it - your child will still wake up at night sometimes, and that is totally normal. We all do it, even as adults. The goal here is to teach your child how to get themselves back to sleep when it happens.

Let us also touch on breastfeeding at bedtime. There is a big difference between breastfeeding as part of the bedtime routine and breastfeeding to actually put your child to sleep. Some moms continue breastfeeding their children until they are two, three, or even older, and that is great.

But if you are hoping to get a bit more sleep at night, try not to let him fall asleep while breastfeeding. How do you do that? Here are a few tips:

1) Feed your child until he is drowsy but still awake, then lay him down in bed. This way, he can learn to fall asleep on his own. Keeping the lights on while you nurse can help your child not associate breastfeeding so closely with falling asleep. This can lead to fewer night time wake-ups.

2) Another option is to create a gap between nursing and sleep - breastfeed earlier in the bedtime routine, not as the final step. For example, after nursing, you could brush his teeth, read a book, or sing a song. This helps break the strong connection between nursing and sleep.

3) Move the bedtime routine to a new place.

If you usually nurse your child to sleep in a certain spot, like the bed, he might start to think that is the only place he can fall asleep. This can make it tough for him to sleep without nursing in that exact spot.

So, what can you do? Try moving the nursing spot. This helps your child separate breastfeeding from falling asleep.

Pick a new, comfortable spot for evening nursing - like the living room couch. Let your child know this is his new spot for nursing before bed. Then, start a new routine. Nurse on the couch, and when he is sleepy but still awake, move him to the bedroom for sleep.

You can add some extra comforting steps to the routine, like a gentle massage, humming a tune, or telling a short story. The first few nights might be a bit rough. Your child might cry or get upset because he misses the old routine. But hang in there - do not go back to nursing in the bedroom. If needed, take your child to the couch for a quick nursing session, then head back to the bedroom without nursing again.

Consistency is key here. Make sure your child does not fall asleep while nursing. If he wakes up wanting to nurse, take him to the couch, nurse him there, then bring him back to bed. Use other soothing methods, like singing or patting his back, to help him fall asleep without nursing.

The first days of this new routine might be challenging. Changing old habits is never easy! But if you stick with it for about ten days to two weeks, you will likely see a big improvement. Your child will start to learn that they can fall asleep without nursing.

These changes can make a big difference. 

2. Milk is sleeping method for nighttime weaning

You do not have to stop breastfeeding cold turkey, especially if you have been nursing through the night. One gentle approach is to introduce the idea that there is a certain time when "the milk is sleeping."

Explain to your child that just like everyone else, the milk needs to rest. This can be part of a new bedtime routine where your little one helps you both get a good night’s sleep.

Here is a simple way to say it:

“Hey, sweetie, just like you snuggle up with your teddy bear when it is dark, our milk goes night-night too. It is milk's bedtime, so it can be fresh and yummy for you tomorrow. When we wake up after a good sleep, the milk will be back, ready for a new day of fun and cuddles. Let us give the milk a little hug, say 'night-night milk,' and then we can both go to sleep.”

Even young toddlers can grasp the idea, and this can make the transition smoother. You are not just setting a rule - you are teaming up with your child to reach the goal of better sleep.

How to start the “Milk is Sleeping” routine?

1. Pick a specific time frame when the milk will be "sleeping," like from 12 at night to 6 in the morning. If your child wakes up wanting to nurse during this time, gently remind him that "the milk is sleeping." Use simple words that he can easily understand.

2. Offer comfort in other ways, like cuddling or letting Dad take over soothing duties. But stay firm on the idea that the milk is not available during these hours.

3. The first few nights might be tough, and your child might fuss. But if you stick with it, they will start to understand, and the protests will fade. Once your child gets the hang of it, you can gradually extend the time when the "milk is sleeping" by an hour or more.

3. Using Light and Dark to Guide Nursing Times

You can make bedtime easier by helping your child understand when it is time to nurse and when it is time to sleep. The secret? Using light for nursing and dark for sleeping.

1. First, teach the difference between light and dark

If your child doesn't already understand the difference between light and dark, as a start you can teach him. You can make it fun! In a dim room, grab a flashlight and play a little game. Shine the light on different things and say, “Look, it is light!” Then, turn off the flashlight and say, “Now it is dark!” You can even make it a little treasure hunt - shine the light on a toy and ask your child to find it when the room is dark.

You can also use a simple chart. On one side, show pictures of daytime activities like playing and eating - things we do when it is light. On the other side, show nighttime activities like sleeping - things we do when it is dark. This helps your child understand that daytime is for being awake and nighttime is for sleeping.

2. Setting up a sleep-friendly room

When it is time for sleep, keeping the room dark helps your child understand it is time to rest. Blackout curtains can be a lifesaver—they block out street lights and early morning sun. Make sure they fit well so the room stays nice and dark.

If your child likes a little light, that is okay too. Choose a night-light with a soft, warm glow, not too bright. Some night-lights let you adjust the brightness, so you can find what is just right for your child.

3. Read books about sleep

Reading stories about sleeping when it is dark can also help. There are lots of children’s books that explain how everyone - animals, people, even the sun - goes to sleep when it is dark. These stories make the idea of sleeping at night easy to understand.

4. Explain the plan

At bedtime, explain the plan in simple terms. Show your child a picture of the sun and say, “When we see the sun, it is time for milk.” Then show a picture of the moon and say, “When we see the moon, it is time for sleep.”

Make turning off the lights part of your routine. Together, say goodnight to everything in the room. End with, “Now it is dark, so we say goodnight to nursing until the light comes back.”

This approach helps your child connect light with nursing and dark with sleep. It is a gentle way to make bedtime smoother for both of you. And remember, you are doing great - small steps like these can make a big difference.

5. Remind your child that it is still nighttime

If your little one wakes up in the middle of the night, it is tempting to just nurse him back to sleep - especially when you are tired. But if you are trying to break that habit, here is a gentle approach that can help.

1) As a start, repeat the message

When your child wakes up, calmly remind him, “Look, the stars are out, and it’s still nighttime. When the stars are watching over us, it is time to sleep.” Then, soothe him back to sleep in ways that do not involve nursing. You can try humming a lullaby, rubbing his back, or whispering comforting words.

I would like to note that these soothing actions are also sleep associations, but they are much easier to change later on than nursing to sleep.

2) Do not send mixed signals

Be mindful of how you comfort your child back to sleep. If you usually nurse while lying down in bed, try not to lie down in the same way when you are soothing him without nursing. This could confuse your child, making him expect to be nursed. Instead, sit up in bed or move to a different chair - somewhere you do not normally nurse. This change in where and how you comfort him helps create a new association that does not involve nursing.

The way you hold your child can also make a difference. If you hold him in a way that is similar to nursing, like a cradle hold, he might think it is time to nurse. Try holding him upright on your lap or in another comforting but different way.

3) Most importantly, stay consistent

These changes can be tough, especially when you are exhausted in the middle of the night. But if you stay consistent, your child will gradually learn the new routine. Over time, these new sleep associations will help him (and you!) sleep through the night without needing to nurse.

Breaking old habits is never easy, but with patience and consistency, you and your child will get there!

4. The storytelling method

For older toddlers and preschoolers, storytelling can be a great way to help them move away from breastfeeding at bedtime. You can make storytelling a special part of your evening routine.

Here is how you can do it.

1) Start with your usual breastfeeding time, but keep it quiet. No talking, just focus on nursing.

2) After nursing, lie down together in bed with the lights off.

3) Now comes the fun part - tell a story. If your child likes holding a sippy cup or a teething toy while listening, that is perfectly fine. The key is that he is in bed, listening, and not nursing.

Kids love stories where they are the hero. You can make up a simple tale about your child finding a magic wand in the backyard. Maybe he goes on a fun adventure where flowers sing, or animals talk. You do not need to be a storytelling expert. Keep it simple - children usually love hearing the same story over and over anyway.

Make sure the storytelling happens after breastfeeding, not during. After a few nights, your child will start looking forward to the bedtime story. Telling the story in the dark helps set a calm mood, and it might even help your child fall asleep while listening. This is different from reading a picture book, which needs the light on and might keep him too engaged. Storytelling in the dark creates a peaceful environment and makes it easier for your child to fall asleep, focusing only on your soothing voice.

5. Invite another adult to help with nighttime routine

Bringing in someone else - like Dad, your partner, or another caregiver - can make bedtime easier for both you and your child. Here is how you can make that happen:

1) Start small

Begin with baby steps. Let Dad or your partner help with naps or join in during the bedtime routine. Slowly, let them take over more tasks, maybe even do bedtime solo for a night or two. The key is to go at a pace that works for everyone.

2) Make it special

If Dad is already helping, why not plan a night out for yourself? Let him take over completely and make it a "Daddy and Me" night. Maybe they can watch a movie together or share a little treat. Turning it into something fun helps your child look forward to it.

3) Gradually introduce your partner

If Dad is new to the bedtime routine, introduce him gradually. Start by having him sit with you during a calming activity, like listening to bedtime music or reading a story. He can slowly take on more, like singing or talking softly as your child settles down.

4) Hand over bedtime duties

After nursing, hand over bedtime duties to Dad. He can offer a back rub, a cuddle, or just sit quietly while the soft music plays. Whether you stay in the room or step out is up to you - do what feels right for your child.

5)  Let Dad handle bedtime on his own

When it feels right, let Dad handle bedtime on his own. Take it slow—this change should fit with your child’s personality and your family’s needs.

Planning Bedtime Together

Before you start making changes to bedtime, it is important to sit down and talk about the plan with your partner. Decide together who will handle bedtime and who will respond if your child wakes up in the night. Maybe Dad will take over back rub duty, or you both agree on what to do if your little one cries. The key is to be on the same page, so your child gets a clear message.

It can help to set some limits on how long you will let your child fuss before stepping in. For example, you might agree that Dad will handle the first round, giving you a break in another room. This way, your child has a chance to settle without expecting immediate intervention.

Be patient with the process

This new approach might take a few nights to work. The first nights might be tough, especially if your child is used to you being the one to handle bedtime. But stick with it for at least a week. With patience, it usually gets easier, and many families find that their child adjusts well.

Keep this in mind

Here is a little wisdom from Dr. William Sears, a well-known expert on attachment parenting and a dad of eight: “Crying and fussing in the arms of a loving parent is not the same as crying it out.” 

Remember this when you are making changes to your child’s nighttime routine. It is normal for your child to fuss a bit as he adjusts, but as long as you are there to comfort him, he will be okay. It is all part of helping him learn new sleep habits. With patience, consistency, and a good plan, you can make these bedtime changes smoother for everyone involved. 

Consult your pediatrician before making any diet changes

As a sleep consultant, I understand how closely linked sleep and nutrition can be. But it is important to remember that when it comes to your child's diet, your pediatrician is the expert you should turn to.

Pediatricians and qualified healthcare professionals have the medical training needed to assess all aspects of your baby’s health, growth, and nutritional needs. They can take into account individual health conditions, development stages, and any specific nutritional requirements your child may have. Feeding schedules can vary greatly from one child to another, and only a medical professional can give you the right guidance based on your child’s unique situation.

It is essential to consult with your pediatrician before making any changes to your child’s diet. They are the best resource for any questions or advice related to feeding schedules. By working together with your pediatrician, we can ensure that your baby gets the right balance of nutrition to support their overall health and development.